My cautious critic :)

To those who requested, this is it! :)

Meet Mr. Arado

Michael John “Liit” Arado is the brother of my good girl friend Taj. In all honesty, hindi ko inakala o pinangarap man lang na magiging close at kaibigan si Mike. As in HINDI. Sa lahat ng taong nakilala ko, si Michael John ang totally sumubok ng pasensya ko pagdating sa kahulugan ng salitang kaibigan. I won’t deny, ilang beses na rin akong nagdesisyon na i- give up ang samahan namin, ilang beses ko ng sinabi sa sarili ko ang mga linyang “hindi ko talaga sya maintindihan, hindi ko sya kayang sabayan at syempre pa, ang walang katapusang “ayoko na. I give up!” Pero, asan ako, he is now my parekoy. :)

To those who ask, kung hindi ba ako na “fall” kay Michael John, ito na po.

I did fall to him. I don’t actually know how it happened. Pagkakatanda ko lang, when he was here in manila to took the licensure exam and (one time) he’s having a “texting scene” with the girl he loved, I got jealous! (I can’t even forget the date and his reaction when I first told him my feelings). Haha

It’s not hard when you know you’re falling to a friend. What’s hard is, when inside you, know you love him/ her, but he/she loves someone, too! Sucks? It really is!

Pero ganun naman talaga di, ba. Pag totoong mahal mo ang isang tao (lalo na’t kaibigan mo), hahayaan mo sya sa kung anoman at kung sinoman ang gusto nya kahit pa ang ikasisiya nya eh nangangahulugan na hindi ka kasama.

When January 2011 started, Reggie asked “what are you most thankful for this year?” (I already mentioned this on my previous blog) I replied “healed heart. It’s soooo great to feel whole again”. It’s true. Ngayon ko sobrang nararamdaman, it’s soooooo great to feel whole again! J

Okay. Kate emailed me (dated Feb. 2, 2011). She’s asking of what was the unforgettable sacrifice I did for parekoy that made me utter the line “ayoko na”. Actually, marami kayong nagtatanong, Kate. Okay. Siguro yun yung time na he had to file his application for his licensure exam the next day. I was in Bohol that time for a special assignment. His sister and mother texted me, asking if I could lend an amount to him so he can file his application (for that time, ATM machine wasn’t operating in the province). Ang balak ko lang that time, uuwi ako ng Manila para ibigay ang pera sa kanya at babalik din kinabukasan ng Bohol. Kinausap ko lang kasama ko for that special assignment. Hindi ko makakalimutan ang sinabi ng partner ko before I leave the hotel were we stayed. “Delikado, Che. Unang una, ang tiket mo eh the next other day pa dapat ang uwi ng Manila. Pa’no pag wala kang makuhang tiket pabalik dito? Pag nalaman ‘to ni Bos, hindi ko alam kung anong mangyayari. Pa’no ka?” Alam ko sa sarili ko, delikado. Alam ko rin ang consequences. Pero kalagayan ng pag take ng exam ng Parekoy ko ang usapin,eh. (Though that time din, we have a bit misunderstanding). But then, my decision was final, come what may, sabi ko sa sarili ko. I was able to get back to Manila. Good thing, I have a friend then working as a travel agent. (You know who you are. Thank you so much! :) )

When I was in the airplane, I wrote a note for Mike. Stating the amount, explaining why I did the “thing” and the like, but mind you, he didn’t know where I came from before heading to their place- until now.

From airport, dumiretso agad ako sa bahay na tinutuluyan nya. He wasn’t there. I handed the “scratch envelope” to his tita. I left. I was already in taxi going back to airport when I received a text from him. “Herchelle, ano ‘to? Lalo nyo lang akong binibigyan ng rason para hindi mag take. Ngayon, final na ang desisyon ko. Hindi na ako magte- take”.

Ayon, kahit nalabuan ako, pinabalik ko ang taxi sa lugar nila. To make the long story short, hindi nya talaga tinanggap ang pera. After (siguro one hour) na magkaharap kami, nag stay ako sa ilalim ng tulay malapit sa lugar nila. Dun ko binuhos lahat ng luha ko. Dun ko tinanong sarili ko kung sino ba ang may mali, kung bakit ganito, ganyan. kasi ang totoo, hindi ko talaga sya naintindihan that time. Lumipas din ang tatlong oras, nagdesisyon akong sumakay ng taxi. His mother texted me asking if he accepted the application fee and I texted her back “Hindi po, ta. (short for tita). Hindi ko po maintindihan ang anak nyo. Ayoko na po. Ang labo nya. bahala na sya. Pasensya na po kayo. Pasensya po sa panghihimasok ko. Hindi ko po ginusto ang nangyari. Pasensya na po talaga”. And after a while, I received a message from my partner who left in Bohol. “Tumawag si Boss, hinanap ka. Sinabi ko umuwi ka ng Manila for an emergency pero babalik ka din. Pero ang sabi, sabihin ko daw sa ‘yo, suspended ka for three days”. I sighed. And I just wiped my tears. I whole heartedly accepted the consequences at wala syang alam. Until now, wala syang alam na ganun ang nangyari.

Alam ni Mike na yun ang isa sa mga bagay na hindi ko maintindihan sa kanya. Pero ganun sya,eh. Yun ang prinsipyo nya. Hindi nya tinanggap ang pera dahil ayaw nyang isipin (while he’s having his exam) kung saan kinuha ng pamiya nya ang perang pinang file nya. Sa kanya, kung wala, eh di wala. ‘Wag pilitin kung hindi kaya.

I wanna tell this to everybody. Happiest friends never have the same characters. They just have the best understanding of their differences. At yun ang ginawa ko. Inintindi at tinanggap ko ang prinsipyo nyang yun kahit nasaktan ako.

Mike is my number one critic yet my best supporter. He is also my shock absorber. Whenever I felt kilig, when am sad, lonely, depress, disgust, pity, mad, when i feel envy, whenever i feel the bums, and when am in love, sya nag unang nakakaalam. (Pero minsan din naman- i have to admit- may panahon din talagang nahihiya ako. Peace, my dear! :) ) Call me whatever you want, pero ayoko syang mawala. Hindi dahil sa masasaktan ako, hindi dahil sa hindi ko kaya, kundi dahil ayoko syang iwan, ayoko syang masaktan. I hate it the most pag nalalaman ko na nasasaktan sya, lalo na at may kinalaman ako (emotionally). Dahil pag nasasaktan sya, in all honesty, mas nasasaktan ako. I respect whatever decisions he make. I respect him. I don’t want to have a gap (kahit konti) sa relasyon namin. And I swear, kung magkaka boyfriend man ako o dumating ang araw na ikakasal ako at kung anoman ang mga magiging "big news" na darating sa buhay ko, ang aking Parekoy ang pinaka unang makakaalam. :)

Michel John is my Parekoy. To those who asked, why "Parekoy", it is because, he is sooooo close to my heart. So close that he is the second most important man in my life. Trivia: when i call you in a Special Alia (buddy, aking hero, parekoy), that means, you are so dear to me. 

@Parekoy: Thank you for accepting me into your life. Thank you for accepting my flaws. Thank you for accepting who I am. Thank you for being who you are and just you are. Remember this, You are a blessing to me. Yes, you are a blessing to me. Thank you for being my parekoy. I am so thankful, I have you.

I admit I’ll never be your best friend (there’s Jen). I’ll never be the perfect friend. I may not make you smile at times but there’s one thing I admit I could do. Be next to you whenever you want me to. Your happiness is so essential to me just as you are so important to Herchelle. I trust you and I am proud of you. Mahal kita, alam mo yan. :) I miss you soooooooooo much!

@friends: Herchelle said:

On loving:

When you love someone, don't just love the lovable parts, you need to love the not-so-lovable parts of a person. Pray for contentment rather than blessings. Don't miss the chance to tell your loved ones how much they mean the world to you. 'Coz tomorrow could be too late. And lastly, when you shout at people and push them away, and they still give you a hand, it means that they really care. KEEP them in your life. :)

On moving On (i said this to my previous blog already, i'm saying it again)

It’s pain like no other, but you have to go through it. There’s no shortcut way, there’s no other way. Go through it. Cry before you sleep, cry when you wake up, cry in the bathroom, cry to your friends. It's okay to cry when you're hurt, don't try to hold it back, but don't always be gloomy, try to be up and bubbly and happy. You don’t have to learn to hide your emotions... but you have to learn to control them and how they make you feel and i am sure from there, you'll stand again. And someday, when you have moved on, i know, you’ll laugh over it. :)

Let me end by saying this (again): I've felt all those feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness that you might be feeling right now. And honestly, so have thousands and millions of people around you. It sucks. It really does. But hey, nobody said that it would be easy, but nobody said that you have to do it alone. Choose to love yourself more! :)