doing "whatsoever"

haha. sobra naman po yun, "whatsoever" talaga. this was my reply to my good friend Nikee when he said "you're so good (ever) in making whatsoever talaga" after he visited my website and this blog. hm? ts..tsk..akalain mo yun? (peace, Sir) and :) well, (i guess) i am good in asking questions that starts with "what" ( haha) and i used to express the "whatever" every time i am running out of words but am not good (ever) in making "whatsoever" for in the first place, i really don't know what exactly you mean by the "whatsoever"! haha

                                     Is this a kind of "whatsoever, Sir Nikee?

wishes

do you believe in wishes? what are your guarantees that your wishes will come true?  when i asked this to KC, her answer was: "kaya nga, wish,eh. hindi mo alam kung mangyayari o magkakatotoo". somehow, she's right. but you know what, my wishes often do come true. i don't know. kahit ako minsan, nagugulat nalang,eh.

And for now, i have 3 super-mega-wish-to hope lists:

3. makauwi ako this new year sa Romblon

2. to have a smooth conversation with Mike

1. succession on Mama's second operation.

After my college graduation, once palang akong nakauwi ng Romblon. Sana, sana lang talaga, makauwi ako this new year. I miss the fresh air, the natural beauty of the island where i grew up, my friends  (i miss Taj soooooooooo much!) and relatives, lahat! i miss everything about romblon! i've said this before (in previous blog site), and i'll say it again, "I am a  probinsyana. I am proud of that. I am a proud Romblomanon!"

I had been open about my relationship with Mike. (my ka- blogs on my previous site knew our "love story":)..thank you-so much guys, sa tyaga nyong magbasa at magbigay ng mga comments and suggestions. I ♥ U, all! to tricia: "thank you" isn't enough. you know how much i appreciated your effort. you're one of the highlight of my 23rd, I swear! i love you!)..On Nov. 16 @ 12:47 am, he sent me 2 messages, at ito ang mga yun:

1. i don't need someone who is matured to stop my immaturity; what i need is someone who can ride on my immaturity and maturely understands me...

2. mornings do not mean getting up and working again but...it is God's way of saying He loves you so much to let you LIVE another day and be happy! good morning!

and my reply to him was:

"I wish someone will assure me a lovelife that's like what a baby shampoo guarantees..no more tears".

and at 11:10 A.M. this was his reply:

"No more tears? there's only one way to stop your tears...TINATABOY NA KITA..pero bago ka umalis gusto ko magpasalamat sa lahat-lahat, pagtitiis mo, sa pagmamahal mo..che ayoko na masaktan ka pa...alam ko, masakit tong gagawin ko pero panandalian lang kesa habang panahon kang masasaktan pag kasama mo ako...may gusto akong malaman mo, na sa 'yo na if maniniwala ka, MINAHAL NA KITA, CHE...di ko yun pinakita dahil pinagbawalan mo ako, "you just make it in a friendly way", at pangatlo, dahil kay lynlyn.. pero salamat pa rin kasi tama lang na pinagbawalan mo 'ko, dahil di ka naman talaga magiging masaya...salamat che...bye."

i was shocked. i really was. makailang ulit kung binasa ang message na yun. hindi nya ako nantindihan. hindi kami nagkaintindihan. ang dami kong tanong. the message i sent wasn't intended for him-alone. i was supposed to send the message to my friends that are dear to me. sa kanya ko lang unang naipasa.
i was hurt. dahil tinataboy na nya ako. i felt suddenly helpless and a sting of tears at the back of my eyes. That night, i let my tears which had been threatening all day come bursting out of my aching eyes. i cried without making a sound, terrified of being heard by anyone in the house. and just like a witch in the silent darkness, i sat, hugged my "boyfriend" soooo tight and waited for Mike to at least ask me why, what, how or anything. Pero wala. WALA. and then i remember what Dr. Phil had said: "People have the right to think and say and do whatever they want to. and you have the right to choose not to react".

My mama had her first major operation-because of polyp found in her nose- last year. As a daughter seeing my mother-whom i love sooooo much-in a situation like that- , nahihirapan syang magsalita, her body full of paraphernalia's- wasn't easy.  It was hell. After the operation (she was fetched in her room at around 11 in the morning at naihatid sya  after the operation at around 2 AM the next morning na!), seeing her face with plaster at kung anu-ano pang nakakabit sa katawan nya was so painful. As i touched her hair and kissed her on her forehead, without a word, i turned and walked to the comfort room. i only just had time to close the door before the tears came, and they went on for a long time.

At ang pakiramdam na yun (although her schedule of operation is on december 1 pa) ay bumabalik na naman. Whoah!! I am afraid.